The light behind your eyes
by XxBand-WhorexX
Summary: Frank was a boy, yet not a man, he was a teenager. He was kind, passionate, loving; leading up to the event that changed his life forever. November fifteenth, the day he was raped.


1. The Light Behind Your Eyes.

* * *

**Hey guys, this is my first Frerard (Gerard Way and Frank Iero) fanfic- along with also being my first band fanfic type thing. I've been spending a while reading Frerard fanfics, and a few that I read were awesome! I wanted to give it a shot, and I hope it is okay. Here's chapter one, enjoy.**

* * *

Chapter 1.

Frank was a boy, yet not a man, he was a teenager. He was kind, passionate, loving; leading up to the event that changed his life forever. November fifteenth, the day he was raped. He was fifteen, only just, considering his fifteenth birthday had been almost one month prior. Frank Iero walked the dark streets of Illinois, Springfield- his backpack hanging from a single strap over his left shoulder, his hood pulled up over his darkened brown hair in an attempt to block out some of the wind passing through the street. A shiver racked through his body, and his breath left his chapped lips in a haze. His battered black and white converse made small tapping sounds as he passed down the sidewalk, gripping his bag tighter.

Frank couldn't have known that he was being followed, his earbuds blasting music too loud to allow him to hear anything else in the outside world. Frank couldn't have known that someone's heavy footsteps were beginning to catch up with him, nor could he have known that the individual in his shadow had a single piece of cloth in his palms; waiting for the opportune moment to cover his mouth and drag him away. The young Iero couldn't have known that the scenario had been planned, that his stalker had been following him for months- waiting in the solitude of his twisted thoughts, lurking in the darkness. But something happened, something that Frank's attacker did not plan- he did not plan for Frank to suddenly slip on the icy sidewalk, his face slamming against the ground.

A grin crossed the stalker's lips as he decided his moment had come. He lunged forward, gripping Frank's shoulders and picking the boy up, before dragging him down the nearest alleyway. Frank's vision was blurred, tears running down his cheeks as his face slammed up against the grimy brickwork before him- his attacker grinning like a Cheshire Cat, rubbing the young teen's crotch and murmuring words in his ear. "Mmm, you like that, don't you? Mmmm, you should have stayed at home, Jr." Frank cried out in pain and terror, trying his best to turn around; to move away. His captor pressed him against the wall, blocking him in as he pulled down his pants and sneered. "You realllllly should have stayed at home." He chuckled to himself, a smirk crossing his lips.  
Frank's head pounded, his face sore and dripping with blood. He cried out once more, begging his captor to stop trying to take his pants off- stop hurting him.

But the man didn't stop, he couldn't stop. On that cold night of November fifteenth, snow began to fall across the darkened streets of Spring Field- and Frank Iero's virginity was wrongly taken, and he laid there in that dark alleyway and watched as the crisp white snow began to turn a luscious crimson.

_One year later~_

A spine chilling breeze drifted through Frank's open window, causing him to shudder and roll over; curling up into a ball on his bloodstained mattress. He hardly recognised the colour of the mattress anymore, and it was the same for the smell. Frank had practically tuned out on anything that reminded him of that one torturous night. He reached out a snowy white arm, wrist covered in hundreds of harsh red lines that criss crossed along his skin, skin puckered from the scars; the scars that he had caused. Once his fingertips touched the item of his desire, he let out a small sigh of relief as he took hold of the foil and brought his arm back to him.

He uncurled his fist and stared down at the foil wrapping, using the thumb and forefinger of his opposite hand to pull open the foil. Frank stared down at the contents, eyes scanning like a madman. His pupils were catlike, eyes dark and sunken, bright red veins laced into the whites of his eyes, and dark bags under his hazel orbs- eyes of an insomniac and drug addict. He picked up a small red pill and almost immediately placed it on his tongue, blinking and swallowing. Frank never really knew what drugs he took, if he remembered correctly- the first drug he consumed was marijuana, raspberry kush. He didn't want to fuck his brain, he only wanted to take the pain away- to forget what happened. After a while Frank needed something stronger, so he found a dealer who specialised in slightly more intense drugs.

Cocaine, heroin, ketamine, ecstasy, LSD... Before Frank knew it, he was well and truly hooked. His first high intense drug use, after marijuana, was cocaine. The dealer said he wanted to be there when he took it, help Frank test out the merchandise. All Frank remembered from the dealer was the classic "hey kid, wanna buy some cocaine?" guy that teachers warn you about. And Frank wasn't too sure. He didn't buy his first "dose." The dealer took him to a public restroom, led him into a cubical and got out the goods. Frank snorted the cocaine, felt his troubles leave and float away- leave quicker than the length it took when he tried marijuana.

The dealer allowed Frank not to pay for the drugs, but instead asked for pleasure. So, Frank got on his knees and pleasured the older teen. Some say that the dealer was eighteen, three years older than little Frankie, some say he was twenty. Frank didn't care at the time, although it still freaked him out a little. After a while the cocaine began to lose its effects, and Frank wanted something stronger. The dealer got the drugs, Frank pleasured him and the cycle continued. But yet again, Frank needed something stronger. By this point, the dealer didn't just want pleasure, he wanted money too. Frank was still a fifteen year old teenager, his weekly allowance still being only ten dollars; not enough to buy any of the quality drugs that he craved.

When Frank couldn't afford the drugs, and refused the sexual acts, he was taken to a dark alleyway. Little Frank Iero was once again raped, not too far from the first alley. For a while he didn't take the drugs, yet his body reminded him each and every minute of every day of his cravings. He couldn't eat, he couldn't sleep, couldn't think- he could only crave the drugs that he knew he couldn't have. When Frank knew that he couldn't have the high intensity drugs, he decided to go to his mom and tell her he had a headache.  
Frank's mom knew something was wrong, she knew something had been wrong for a while- and she noticed his cat like eyes, paranoid behaviour and constant jitters and shakes. She gave him painkillers, telling herself that he was sick and would be better after he slept.

She watched as he began to eat nothing, drink nothing and stay in his room all day. She listened from the other side of the bathroom door as her son heaved the contents of his empty stomach into the toilet. She'd watch him eat, then as soon as she went to wash up, Frank would shoot up the stairs and slam the bathroom door closed- spending at least half an hour in there before coming out. Once Frank started asking for more pills, something stronger, she knew she needed help. Frank's mom was a proud woman, she didn't want people talking about her son's drug addiction; so one night she found a dealer and got the drugs. She returned home and watched Frank as he took the drugs, a smile on his face. Frank didn't ask why she got the drugs, quite frankly- he didn't care.

Overtime Frank grew even more addicted and started looking to alcohol once his mom found it hard to afford the drugs. Alcohol was cheaper and easier to purchase, although that phase passed too. His mom found it hard to deal with her son, and she grew nervous after not seeing him emerge from his room for days on end. Sometimes she'd creep into his room to see him out cold; but one night, she went into Frank's room to see him sprawled out on the mattress, his wrists and forearms smothered with dried blood. She covered her mouth and squeaked out a terrified noise as she fled his room, locking herself in her bedroom. She locked herself in her room and eyed the pills on her nightstand, the bottle still full and unused. Within a few minutes she downed all the pills and went to her closet, hanging herself with a tie.

Frank, however, didn't even know she was dead- not until he smelt a rancid smell creep out from under her bedroom door. It was one of the few days that Frank was un-intoxicated. He went to the house next door and said his mom hadn't been out of her room for days, that there was a weird smell. Mr McGrerty and his wife followed Frank to the house, frantically flying up the stairs to her door. Mrs McGrerty covered her nose and mouth in horror as she smelt the unforgettable stench leaking from the room. With a few kicks, the door fell from its hinges and laid on the floor. The three of them went inside, Frank noticing the black stains outside the closet door. His catlike eyes wide, wrists itching under his flannel shirt.

The stench was atrocious, and Frank watched as the middle aged man somberly walked to the closet, opened the door and screamed. Frank saw his mother's body, swaying slightly skin practically blue- eyes bleeding, yet closed, and a trail of blood on her lips. Mrs McGrerty did not scream, instead she pulled fifteen year old Frank Iero Jr close to her, covering his ears and shielding his eyes. Frank's feeble body shook with almost painful tremors as he burst into tears, crying into the woman's shoulder.

From the days that followed, Frank was questioned by the police who enquired about his mother's death. He explained the best he could, saying he didn't even know she had died. He said that he just remembered being asleep for a very long time and feeling hungry once he woke up. He went to get some food when he went past his mother's bedroom to go downstairs. A frown appeared on his paled face as he looked down at the table, saying he saw the flicker of her bedroom lights from under the door- as well as a really bad smell. He knocked on the door and asked if his mom was okay, tried to open the door only to find it was locked. Frank went downstairs and found his dinner laid out on the table, stone cold and smelling bad- like it'd been left out for a few days.

He went to the McGrerty's, the police knew the rest. Frank wasn't a suspect of his mother's death, they knew she had killed herself- but even the McGrerty's had commented on the subject and said she had been acting strange, and Frank had become less like the child he once was. There was no doubt that Frank was not physically strong enough to lift his mother's body weight, he was too small and extremely underweight. Plus, the door was locked from the inside, meaning he couldn't have killed his mother- the lock on the door alone overruled the idea of a locked room murder, one that is common in murder mysteries and novels.

Frank's footsteps were quiet, his back haunched, like L Lawliet from Death Note as he walked to the annoyingly familiar stark white of the health centre. Once inside, he joined the group already assembled and flashed a look of apology at the session leader. She nodded lightly and studied him for a second. "Frank...would you care to start the session today? You've hardly spoken in our meetings..." She asked quietly. Seventeen year old Frank Iero clenched his fists and ducked his head as he stood up. His eyes scanned the group around him as he cleared his throat and began to speak._ "Hi...I'm Frank Iero...and I think I died two years ago."_

**(AN: this part might get a little confusing. Frank is actually telling the discussion group about his past, but I'm not using speech marks so it's like Frank is going into the depths of his mind to explain everything he can remember.)**

Frank's POV:

When I was fifteen, I had two best friends; Danny and Ashley. We were in diapers together and we'd been through so much. Their dad had got a job in England, they needed the money and his new company offered to fly them out there... They sold the house and moved, leaving me behind by myself. My therapist said that coming to these support groups or writing everything down should help me recover and leave the last behind. I can't trust him, especially since he's the rapist. I didn't mean he raped me, I mean therapist is "the rapist" when split up. It's kind of unsettling. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, November fifteenth. I was walking home from a friend's house across the other side of town. I liked to go there before it happened, to get away from the people at school. I wasn't physically bullied, not at all- just mentally. Like dirty looks in the hallways and people talking about me as I passed. I was different, still trying to find out who I really was as a person. Most people wanted to be doctors or have their own business... Me... I just wanted to play music and change peoples' lives.

I had a guitar, Pansy. She let me be who I wanted to be, I didn't have to hide anything from her. Then again, she was made of metal and plastic, she didn't really have a chance to have an opinion about anything I did or said. I just played guitar, not really existing as a person. I wasn't particularly sociable, but I had the odd conversation or two in class. I didn't have friends after that. It was hard at first, without Danny and Ashley, but we managed to talk over the Internet and see how we were all coping. I told them I was okay, that I missed them and that there was a cute new guy at school.

The new guy, Aiden, was taller than me and unhealthily skinny- he had blue and green hair with this awesome fringe and these deep blue eyes. He was probably at school for over a month when I finally plucked up the courage to talk to him. I hadn't heard him speak much before, only hearing a few words when he spoke to someone else.

I wiped my sweaty palms against my skinny jeans before pressing my hand against my locker to shut it. "Steady breaths, Frankie. Deep and steady breaths." My mind whispered. I nodded to myself, fiddled with my sleeves a little and tried to make my fringe and hair look a little presentable before I plucked up the courage and walked towards him. It was lunchtime, and few people were in the hallway; most people being in either outside enjoying the sun or hiding away inside the cafeteria like vampires. I breathed slowly and cleared my throat slightly as I spoke. "Hey, Aiden." He jumped slightly, knocking his locker door as he turned to face me. "You scared me." He whispered, ducking his head a little. I smiled a little and bit my lip. "Sorry. I didn't mean to." I clarified. He nodded gently and looked up, straightening his back a little and closing his locker with his back.

"It's okay, really." He smiled and stuck his hands into the pockets of his hoodie.  
"So, what brings you across the hall to talk to me?" He asked quietly, tilting his head a little. I couldn't help but blush at his cuteness. I smiled a little more, trying to reassure myself he wasn't going to kill me. "Well, I wanted to say hi... I mean, you don't really talk to anyone... I worry about you..." I trailed off slightly and looked down awkwardly.  
"Don't blush. DON'T BLUSH!" My mind screamed.  
"Y-You worry about me?" Aiden asked. I nodded weakly, fiddling with my fingers.  
"Y-Yeah... You always look lonely and I guess I've just wanted to talk to you for a while." A blush crossed his snowy white skin as he looked at me, smiling gently. "I've wanted to talk to you too." He quietly replied.

I stammered a little, biting my lip again. "You have?" I asked. His cheeks flushed darker as he looked at me. "Of course I have! I kept trying to find out about you from people, but I'm not really that sociable so it was hard. I've been watching you though, trying to see what kind of person you are and what you like and dislike..." He quickly held up his hands, "I haven't been stalking you, I swear." He quietly added. I chuckled and watched as he scratched the back of his head a little. "It's not a problem... I think it's kinda cute." I bit my lip ring and smiled a little. "Y-You don't think i-it's creepy?" He pouted, making me just want to just kiss the pout from his face and touch his hair.

"No, Aiden." I said gently. He shuddered gently, biting his lip and hiding behind his fringe.  
"Uh- Frank?" He squeaked. I raised an eyebrow and nodded.  
"Aiden?" He pulled his hands from his pockets and began to play with them, scraping his teeth against his lip nervously. "Uh...are you gay? I mean, it's okay if you aren't. It's just that uh, uh, people said you were but I didn't know if uh they were just bring stereotypical because of your personal preference." Aiden lifted his hand and starts chewing on his thumb nail, moving his fingers around on his other hand. I looked around the hall, checking to see if anyone was around, before I turned back to him and nodded. "Yeah, I am." I clarified.

Aiden squeaked quietly and smiled, biting his lip again. "D-Do you wanna go out sometime?" He suddenly asked. I instantly found it hard to breathe, my heart pounding a little. "Wait, you're asking me out?" He nodded gingerly, dropping his hand from his mouth and interlacing his long pale fingers. "If that's okay... I mean," he looked up and moved his fringe from his eyes a little so I could see both of his eyes, "I like you... A lot." I couldn't help but feel my eyes bulge slightly as I looked at him, my eyebrows raised. "I'd love to!" I beamed at him and couldn't stop vibrating with excitement. He grinned and pulled a sharpie from his pocket, took my hand in his and wrote out his number on my hand, giggling quietly. I gasped at his giggle. It was adorable! Damn, had that noise actually come from him?

"I'm free tomorrow night, I know you like horrors... So I thought we could watch something at the movie theatre? Text me, okay?" In the craziness I somehow managed to nod and watched as he smiled and walked away, practically skipping down the corridor. I watched his retreating figure, blinked and then looked down at my hand. His number was stored in my phone within seconds, and by that point I'd already sent him a message.  
"Nice butt ;3 xx" I played with my lip ring, smiling slightly as I awaited his reply.  
"Dun stare at my butt D: xx" He even typed cute. Did that make sense? WAS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?! I didn't care. All I cared about was that I just got a date with the cutest guy in school, and I needed to prepare.

Aiden was my first ever boyfriend. He was cute, funny, adorable and he had the sweetest kisses. On our date at the movie theatre he cuddled into my side, holding my hand and squeezing a little as a scary part freaked him out. I smiled and kissed his temple, soon feeling him tense up. I watched as he slowly turned his head to face me, eyes illuminated by the huge screen in front of us. He bit his lip a little and leaned closer, ducking down a little to match me height. Aiden looked into my eyes before closing them, gently kissing me. He leaned back, blushing a little. A small smile crossed my lips and watched as his nose crinkled slightly. "You taste sweet." He whispered. I blushed and bit my lip before murmuring, "Want to try again?" Aiden wasted no time in capturing my lips with his, cradling my face in his lusciously warm and soft palms.

Gentle opened mouthed kisses, the slight grazing of lips. I shuddered as he bit my lip ring and tugged gently, murmuring "Always wanted to do that." I smiled against his lips as his thumbs gently stroked my cheeks. "Mm do it again." I whispered. He grinned and closed his eyes slightly, leaning in closer and gently suckling. Okay, so that might have made me hard. Only a little, obviously. He moved one hand down to my waist, rubbing gently before sliding his hand down until he cupped my crotch. The moan that left my lips shocked me, and embarrassed me at the same time. Aiden pulled away and looked at the screen, holding back laughter. "What?" I whispered. He turned back to face me and whispered "There was a sex scene, I'm guessing you thought that you made that moan." I felt my face get slightly warmer and I exhaled.

"Pfft, no. It sounded way too femine." Aiden rolled his eyes and pressed his head against my shoulder, moving his hand against my crotch in small circles. "You're hard." He whispered. I continued watching the screen, doing my best not to watch his hand as it wandered to the waistband of my jeans and slipped inside. His warm hand clutched me through my boxers squeezing harder. I made a small coughing noise as I tried to hold back a moan, biting my lip and looking down at his hand. "Aiden...you're gonna make me..." He moved his fingertips in light, teasing circles. I gulped and shut my mouth. What happened to innocent Aiden who skipped down the hall? "I want you." He gently whined. I hardened further, hearing his voice laced with lust and need.

We didn't have sex whilst we were together, not at all. As summer turned to fall, things started to get colder- leaves began to turn red and fall from the trees. I loved fall, I loved the orange and reds everywhere, and I just enjoyed waking up and smelling the fallen leaves outside my window. I finally celebrated my fifteenth birthday on October thirty first, Halloween. Aiden and I stayed at mine and watched scary movies, cuddling up on my bed and not really paying attention to the screen. I ran my hand down his face, watching his eyelids flutter shut before opening again. I gazed down at him, studying the contours of his face. He was beautiful, perfection. Aiden looked up at me and raised an eyebrow, a light smile on his thin lips. "What is it?" He asked quietly, intrigued.  
"You're just so beautiful." I whispered, leaning down and pressing my lips to his forehead.

His smile widened and he moved his hand down my arm, eyes following his movement. "Frankie?" I nodded a little and ran my thumb across his lips.  
"Yeah?" I asked in reply. He blushed and licked his lips a little before looking up at me, eyes meeting mine. "I love you." I smiled and nuzzled his cheek gently, whispering back. "I love you too." He sighed in relief and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to him.

The next two weeks that followed seemed to be the best two weeks in our relationship. Aiden and I were closer than ever and we loved each other. We'd call each other up, spend hours on the phone and then try to say "No. I love you more." And try to be the last one to say it and hang up. Aiden and I sat at his house, looking up at his ceiling and talking about plans for Christmas. "Well, I won't be able to sleep at your house on Christmas- but I might be able to see you on Christmas Eve and on Christmas Day itself." Aiden clarified. He put his hands behind his head and smiled as I nodded in agreement. "You're going to love your present though." I stated. Aiden quickly sat up and looked down at me, pouting a little. "Don't tell me what it is!" He covered his ears like a child and pouted further. "I wasn't telling you, I only said you'd love it." I clarified, he rolled his eyes dramatically.

I'd spent days writing a song for Aiden, I had chords to go with it to. I knew that he would love it, because of how special it was. I also got him a necklace with a picture of us inside, girly, I know, but it was special. "Baby, your curfew's at seven, right?" Aiden asked. I frowned slightly and raised an eyebrow. "Yeah..." He pointed to his alarm clock, I followed his gesture and choked slightly. "Crap, crap, crap, crap!" I sprung up and pulled on my shoes and jacket, slung my bag over my shoulder and turned back to Aiden; cupping his cheeks in my palms and leaning down a little to kiss him softly and gently. "I gotta go, I love you." We smiled in unison and Aiden's smile soon faded.  
"Baby, be careful." He warned. I turned my head to look at him.  
"Why's that?" Aiden looked up with me with tears in his eyes.

"I feel like I'm going to lose you." He whispered. I shook my head and put my hand on his head. "Not gonna happen, I'm yours to keep. You get some sleep, I'll see you tomorrow and I'll call you when I'm home." I clarified, Aiden wiped his eyes and nodded, looking down. As I left his room I could've sworn I heard him whisper "Stay safe." I nodded to myself and quickly went down the stairs, calling a goodbye to Aiden and his mom before I left and shut the front door behind me.

A bitter wind snapped at my face as I tried to pull my hood up to try and protect me from the wind. I looked up at the sky as I jogged, putting my earbuds in and letting music scream into my ears- blocking out the outside world. I slowed my pace once I was a few blocks from home, travelling at a walk. I couldn't help but think of Aiden as he told me to be safe, that he thought he was going to lose me. I shook my head nonchalantly, almost to convince myself that I was fine- that nothing'd happen. I shivered and exhaled, watching a white haze leave my mouth. I couldn't help but smile at the thought of Aiden breathing out and pretending he was a dragon, it was too cute for words. I gripped my backpack tighter and tried not to slip over the black ice on the sidewalk.

My battered converse trudged along the pathway, my feet curling up slightly in an attempt to keep away the cold. Nothing cold have prepared me for the moment that I suddenly slipped and face planted the ground, hands soon grabbing my shoulders and pulling me up. I cried out and struggled back against my captor, my earbuds fell from my ears and dangled down the front of my hoodie, blasting out Metallica. He took me down a dark alleyway...pressed me up against the wall, saying I shouldn't have come outside. I kept telling him to stop, but he-

At that moment the door swung open and a pale figure with black hair came into the room, a bag over his shoulder. The session leader looked at him curiously as he spoke. "I'm sorry I'm late, the traffic was terrible." His voice was kinda raspy, like he'd been singing for hours; but oh my god, was it sexy. He looked at me sheepishly from across the circle of chairs as he sat down, placing his bag by his feet. "I'm sorry for interrupting you, please continue." He said quietly. I shook my head a little and clenched my right hand into a fist before releasing and closing my eyes. "No, it's fine. I think that's it anyway." I murmured, sitting back down in my chair. The guy pouted slightly and continued to watch me, eyes scanning. I have to admit, the mysterious guy was attractive. His hair was back, longish but with a slight curl to it; like he had forgotten to straighten it. From the distance, I'd have said his eyes were brown. His lips were thin, defined and oh so kissable.

I pushed the idea of kissing him away, there was no way that'd happen. He probably wasn't even gay. Okay, so maybe his bag said otherwise; but guys could have rhinestone skulls on a bag, there was nothing wrong with that. His bag didn't automatically mean he was gay. I sighed and pretended not to look at him, pretending I was listening to the poor sucker on my far left talk to the group about his addiction. He lost his daughter in a car accident ten years ago and he still hadn't gotten over it. Okay, so I was listening but not much. I couldn't help but look at my new interest. He reminded me of Aiden, pale skin and extremely thin.

I wanted to see him naked, to see if his hipbones jutted out from his skin. He was wearing a red plaid flannel, a faint outline of a black shirt underneath. I was suddenly having the most erotic daydreams about his ankles when the session leader declared the session over. Some went to the coffee maker in the corner for coffee, others drinking juice. I stood up and shoved my hands in my jeans, and left the building, making my way to Starbucks before I decided to go back to my hole of a home. I moved out of my mom's house after her death, moving in with the McGrerty's for a while. On the day we found my mom dead, I wasn't too sure of the date. Dates became a blur to me during my constant drug use, and when I woke up drug free, I was usually confused and upset.

I distinctly remember someone telling me that my mom died, but I couldn't remember what day it was. I was there to find my mom dead, I knew she was dead, knew she wasn't coming back. It was bad enough losing Aiden after I was raped, but losing my mom a year and half later wasn't too great either. She died because of me, because she couldn't cope. She overdosed on her sleeping pills, then hung herself. My momma couldn't sleep because of me, because she was too worried to rest in case something happened. The day she took her life... I'm guessing she came into my room and saw something bad, because I remember waking up to find a picture frame with me and Aiden smashed on the floor; like it'd been knocked as she quickly left.

My mom could never be replaced, I knew that. Moving to New Jersey was a massive thing for me, because I'd spent my life living in Illinois. I couldn't live there, not without my mom. Maybe I would return to my house one day, see if anything had changed. One thing wouldn't change though, my mom- she was dead, and she wouldn't be there when I returned.


End file.
